too numb to feel, open|keira

[charlie anderson]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding:0; margin: 0; background-image:url(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y353/shockwavesyndrome/thisiswar.png);background-repeat:repeat-y;width: 450px;height:600px;] Charlie awoke with a start, gasping for air. His back was covered in sweat. he had been dreaming of his parents' death... again. Since he had been admitted to St. Mungo's Charlie couldn't keep the nightmares away. It was his second night in the magical hospital since he had been hexed by Keira in Diagon Alley, but it had felt like an eternity. Charlie was desperate to get out of the place since he arrived and woke up from his unconscious state, but unfortunately the Healers would not allow it. He was being monitored for signs of insanity, and for the past two days his body had been in tremendous amounts of pain as an after effect of having all of his pain receptors triggered by the Cruciatus curse. Charlie had begged the healers to go home, that he wasn't insane and he would take it easy for the rest of the week, but they had forbade it. Charlie craned his neck to look out of the window across the room. The full moon was shining in stark contrast to the black sky, it must have been the middle of the night. He no longer had the interest in keeping track of time, all he knew was whether it was morning, afternoon, or night. Charlie was furious to be stuck here for so long. He was in the midst of surveillancing death eaters and tracking down Voldemort. He didn't have time to be sitting in bed, although he had to admit, his muscles were incredibly strained. He couldn't imagine how he would be feeling if Keira had actually put her whole heart into the curse. If she had really meant it. But still, he didn't know whether he would ever forgive her. Not so much for cursing him exactly, but for hurting all of those people. What drove her to become a death eater in the first place? He knew she obviously had a complicated story, didn't everyone? But he would never understand how a person could get to that point of no return. Maybe it was part of Charlie's blind heroism, but he thought that anyone could change their ways for the better. Even a death eater. One could argue that trying to get out of being a death eater would definitely result in certain death, but in Charlie's mind there was no situation he wasn't willing to take on so he never came to that realization. Suddenly one of the Healers came to the foot of his bed. "Mr. Anderson, you have a visitor..." the Healer said. I do? Charlie asked, an eyebrow raised. He couldn't think of who would possibly be visiting him. Firstly, there were few people he knew that cared about him enough to visit him, and secondly, he didn't know that anyone actually knew he had been admitted to St. Mungo's. There were plenty of people hauled off to St. Mungo's in the aftermath of the Diagon Alley attack, and Charlie was no one special. "Yes, I know it's late, and you must be tired. Should I tell them to return in the morning?" the Healer suggested. No, no Charlie interjected, curious to know who it was. You can send them in, I'm awake now anyways... words: 552 blahh | tagged: open & keira this template was made by ZOE of caution 2.0 !

[Keira Robinson]

She had wanted to go back immediately. Back to Diagon Alley to find him, to find out if he was alright, to apologise again, and again, and again. But the moment she had apparated to the Death Eaters headquarters, she couldn’t escape. Though the Dark Lord wasn’t present, the Death Eaters had still insisted on a meeting, and then followed by a party to celebrate the attack.

To celebrate the death of innocents.

Keira had felt disgusted. But however much disgusted felt, they didn’t let her go. They insisted that she joined, to enjoy the fact that she had casted the Cruciatus curse on Charlie. By then, Keira was beyond angry, but by some ruddy miracle, she managed to control herself. If she wanted to get out of that place as soon as possible, the only way to do that was to pretend as if she was fine, that she was enjoying it too.

Which was why she could easily escaped from the ‘party’, complaining of a headache. She had immediately apparated back to Diagon Alley, and searched for Charlie. It was already early in the morning by then, and the sun was beginning to rise. Every corner she turned, she could see volunteers and Healers helping the victims, and she thanked Merlin that no one had recognised her. Yet. She had searched the whole of Diagon Alley twice, before admitting to the fact that he must’ve been sent to St Mungo’s already.

Keira was just about to apparated to the wizarding hospital, when a sudden thought stopped her in her tracks. What was she going to tell Charlie when she met him? Obviously, she was going to apologise. After that? Was she going to tell him the real reason behind her Death Eater act? The immature decision that had led her into the living hell? She bit her lip, and turned on the spot. She did apparate, but she apparated right into her own apartment. She needed time to think.

And she did. She thought long and hard about what she had done, how she was going to explain things to Charlie, or if she was going to even do so. Immature decisions apart, she was afraid to admit to anyone that she was a reluctant Death Eater. What if Charlie shares that information with someone? Or what if he had it involuntarily extracted from his mind with Legilimens?

It took her hours before she could get her butt moving from her couch. To hell with explanations – she just needed to find out if he was alright. To see him. Ignoring the fact that it was already late into the night, she apparated to St Mungo’s, and requested to see Charlie Anderson. A nurse had led her to a room, but before allowing her in, she beckoned her closer. “Listen, Mr Anderson has been hit by the Cruciatus curse. We are trying to monitor him, to find out if the curse had, in any way, affected his mental health. So if, at any point of time, he begins to show signs of insanity, please do not get alarmed, and just call for one of us,” she instructed Keira.

For the first time in two days, Keira felt an overwhelming urge to burst out laughing. She had been the one who had casted the curse on him (and she wasn’t proud of that), and she had made sure that he wouldn’t be driven to the point of insanity. But of course, how would this nurse know that? So instead of laughing in her face, Keira managed to smile and nod. “Yes, I will,” she assured the kind nurse, who returned her smile and walked into an adjacent room, probably wanting to check on another patient.

Taking a deep breath, Keira knocked on the door for the sake of good manners, and stepped into the room. The first thing she saw was Charlie’s pained and tired face. Which merely made her want to bolt out of the door in guilt. She knew how the curse could affect someone, no matter how subtle it was. She had experienced the terrible pain and aching muscles after that for days during one of her ‘training’ sessions as a Death Eater.

“Charlie...” she managed to say, taking hesitant steps towards him. “Listen, I know you’re mad at me, and I deserve it. But please, you have to understand that if I hadn’t casted the Cruciatus curse on you, they would’ve brought you right to the Dark Lord, and he would’ve killed you without any second thoughts,” she explained softly, all the while moving closer to him.

[charlie anderson]

[atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,padding:0; margin: 0; background-image:url(http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y353/shockwavesyndrome/thisiswar.png);background-repeat:repeat-y;width: 450px;height:600px;] The doctor disappeared behind the curtain and he heard him mumbling the warnings about Charlie's health to his visitor. His eyes widened when he saw Keira Robinson come out from behind the curtain. He was nearly speechless, what was she doing here? He didn't know whether he was glad to see her or furious to see her... probably a little of both. He could see that her steps were hesitant as she approached him. She knew he was furious too. Charlie was calm, though. He had no other option, but to be calm with the pain killing charms that had been cast upon him. You know... Charlie started to say, adjusting himself in his bed with some measure of pain. They test me for insanity every two hours... every two hours, he emphasized with bitterness. And the worst part is, I can't tell them that I'm not insane, because my attacker didn't really 'mean' the curse. They'd probably love that one if I told them...At least if I had actually been Crucified, I would be willing to find out if I had gone insane. The thing that had angered Charlie the most was the mere fact that he was confined to this bed for as long as his healers saw fit. He had no definite release date. What if they had actually deemed him insane and confined him to the place? The funny thing was, he probably was insane with all of the plans he had to avenge his family and somehow miraculously kill Voldemort. I wish they did bring me to Voldemort... Charlie said half to himself, not looking at her. She probably could have understood this as 'I wish I were dead' rather than 'I wish I could take on the most powerful wizard in the world in an epic battle that would avenge the deaths of my parents and sister, but I digress. He ignored the end part of her sentence. The part that was very true. He would have been killed without a second thought. Even if by some miracle he planned on killing Voldemort, the way to do it would NOT be on Voldemort's very own terms. There was a silence between them. Charlie no longer felt as close to her as he once did. In his mind they were some kind of dramatic star-crossed lovers from the opposite sides of the law, but now all he could do was blame her for setting his maniacal vengeance plan on the back burner. Charlie looked up to meet her eyes. Actually, I think they ought to have me declared insane, after all. I mean, the fact that my attacker is here visiting me, trying to convince me that she's not responsible for her own actions... and I'm almost buying it, Charlie said, again bitterly. He did not accept her apology. He would not, could not. Yet he wasn't jumping out of his bed to kill her either, perhaps because in the back of his mind he could see some rationale to what she was saying. That by hexing him she was saving him. But that stubborn Charlie was always thinking that she always has the chance t get out of it all and wouldn't. He didn't understand that not everyone was the hero. Not everyone was willing to die for what they believed was right. But one thing he couldn't get out of his mind was why Keira was in this position in the first place. What had gone so wrong in her life that she thought of joining the path of the most evil dark wizard in the world. Why do you do it? Charlie finally asked flatly. He wasn't going anywhere. He had all night. words: 611 | tagged: open & keira this template was made by ZOE of caution 2.0 !

[Keira Robinson]

Keira was being very cautious, almost afraid to near Charlie. In her eyes, he was like a time-bomb. Anytime now, he might whip out his wand and curse her into oblivion...But he didn’t. He remained calm, merely adjusting himself to a much more comfortable position in bed. She tried not to sigh in relief. Though, when he explained how bothersome the Healers were with checking whether he was insane every 2 hours, she held back a laughter. It would be extremely insensitive of her to do so, especially when he was suffering in pain (and she was the one who caused it), but for some odd reason, it seemed a little funny to her.

She had an extremely odd sense of humour, that was for sure.

I wish they did bring me to Voldemort... she heard him, and have him a perplexed look. “You don’t really mean that...do you?” What, he wanted to die, now? Why the hell would someone want that? “Is it your lifetime ambition to meet him or something?” she asked him, unable to hide the sarcasm lacing her tone. “Because trust me, it’s not all that great standing before him, trying your best to build a wall around your mind, and doing things you never want to do.” She had rambled in anger and desperation, and she knew it. She couldn’t help it – her emotions were all over the place right then, and it scared. She was always in control of her emotions and herself in general.

She moved closer to him, her steps no longer hesitant, but merely slow. As if allowing him to get used to the fact that she was there and she wasn’t going to leave till she was satisfied with her apology. But she heard what he said after that, and stopped in her tracks. Her cheeks turned a little pink in both shame and anger. “Look, I’m not proud of what I did nor what I am, alright? And I’m certainly not convincing you that I am not responsible for my actions. I’m just explaining the reason behind that attack. I know I did wrong, and I’m here to apologise. I'm not expecting you to just accept it and forgive me, though. I’m just...” she ran out of breath soon enough, and took a deep breath. “I’m just sorry. Terribly sorry. For the pain..and well, for everything else.” At least she got to apologise to him. Unlike most of her other victims, whom she was a little too afraid to near, despite her nagging conscience that she should apologise and just get over with it. They would have recognised her.

When he didn’t speak for a long time, Keira swallowed heavily, coming to a conclusion that he was no longer interested in speaking to her. Not that she could blame him. She turned around, ready to leave the room, when he asked the question. Why do you do it?

She wanted to run out of the room more than every right then.

How was she to explain to him the horrible, immature decision she had made rashly? How her family members had restricted her in everything, made her life hell in general, and then talked like as if they had done it to ensure that she was meant to be treated that way? That she was a delicate flower that should not be allowed to do anything except do well and excel in her studies?

Maybe she should tell him. What if he listened to her? Nobody ever did that.

She turned back around, taking a deep breath, and faced him. “It’s...it’s a silly thing...how I became a Death Eater...” This was going to be hard, and she knew it. “I was the only girl in my family, with two brothers before me. You’d think it wasn’t that bad...except that my father was some kind of a tyrant.” She made a face. Till date, she didn’t know what her father had enjoyed more: saying no to everything she wanted, or watching her cry and beg to at least go out with her friends. “He restricted me in everything. And by everything, I meant every.thing. I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends, because they might teach me the wrong things. I wasn’t allowed to laugh too loud because that was extremely un-ladylike. I wasn't allowed to fly, because it had no use to me whatsoever. Do you know how much I love flying, Charlie? I had so badly wanted to be a Quidditch player, but of course, I did not even get a bloody broom. I had always wanted to be a journalist, too. You know, write stuff for the Daily Prophet. But of course, that's 'not a proper job for a proper lady'" she bitterly quoted her father's words.

“Eventually, my brothers caught on with that stupid attitude of his, so these things continued even during my Hogwarts years. Which made it much worse, trust me,” she rolled her eyes. “They hated seeing me with boys. One time, the second one, Kenneth, even ruined a perfectly normal date of mine. He basically ruined my first kiss.” Keira winced at that memory. To most other girls, the memory of their first kiss was special, treasured, beautiful. Hers? There was never a day she wished that day never happened. The students had watched on as her brother shouted at her (after having scared her date away), saying how inappropriate it was of her to behave like that. It had been so dramatic and downright stupid, that she still felt her cheeks colour in shame when she thought of that incident.

“It was horrible, Charlie,” she continued, her eyes distant as the memories came crushing back. “You’d think such behaviours weren’t possible anymore in this modern world, but trust me, it was like as if my family had just used a time-turner to travel to the future from the Victorian Era. Or whatever Era the muggles refer to, when women were so restricted. As a result of all the things my dad and brothers had done, I had very little friends, no love life, crushed dreams and desires...well, I had nothing except bitterness in me.”

“So when I finally graduated, I left them for good. I challenged them, told them this was my life to live and that they had nothing to do in it at all, and well...joined the Death Eaters. It was a rash decision. A horrible one at that. I regret it. But I can’t do anything about that now. I don’t want to die yet,” she finished, her eyes finally focusing back on him, back to the present.

She remained silent for some time, feeling a huge burden being lifted off her chest. She had never told this much about a silly past to anyone. Ever. It felt so, so good to just talk. Nevermind that Charlie might never forgive her, nevermind that he found this so silly he didn’t want anything to do with her, nevermind that he thought of her as an immature freak. She had said it all, and for once, she felt better after a conversation.

“It’s stupid, I know,” her voice now much softer as she stared determinedly at the dull bedsheets of the bed he was resting on. “Stupid, immature and rash. And now you know it.”